fandomania | The Adventure continues... (Reply)

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It took a lot of effort on my part to get over the almost overwhelming loneliness I felt while Donal was gone. During the day, I kept myself constantly occupied with my household duties and with raising our children. It was the nights that were the worst for me. Lying so alone in our bed, I missed him horribly and my body ached for him. I tried touching myself and pretending that it was Donal that was doing the touching, but that only lasted so long and made me feel his absence all the more. I am afraid that I leaned on Pahpey a whole lot and frequently went to him to cry on his shoulder, using him to help assuage my misery. Pahpey was there for me, even though he seemed very uncomfortable with my emotional outbursts. His hugs had become very awkward.

After a week had gone by, I think Celianne must have noticed how miserable I was, because gradually, as if they were taking turns, my children seemed to have a very sudden and tragic outbreak of nightmares and troubles sleeping, needing to spend to night with me to help them sleep. On one night, during a summer thunderstorm, all of them showed up together, including the babies. My children were, and still are, so amazing. Without them, the weeks of Donal’s absence would have been almost unbearable. They kept me strong and helped me endure.

The third week after Donal left, as I was going from the nursery back to my suite, I heard voices coming from Pahpey’s rooms. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I did recognize Uncle Haral’s voice talking to Pahpey. I hadn’t talked to Haral in weeks. I decided to quickly pop in and say hello to him. However, as I approached the door, the words became clear and I did something that my grandmother always warned me not to do: eavesdrop.

“I really need your advice, Haral. I am in a quite a mess here and I don’t know what to do.”

“What? You, Piatrus? This is a switch. I remember in our youth, you were always the strong one. My big brother who was always there with advice and help. I am honored that you have called upon me. How can I help you?”

“Oh, ghods! I don’t know how to tell you without sounding like the pervert that I have become… Oh, blast it all! I will just have to say it bluntly… I am in love with Patra. My own grandson’s wife! So much so, that I become very aroused by her lightest, most innocent touch. It takes all my will power not to act upon my urges. The night of the weddings, I had gone into the garden for a breath of fresh air and I discovered Donal and Patra there, naked and in the act of love making. If it had been anyone else, I would have just left before they noticed me. But, to my disgust, I stood there and watched them. All the while, I fantasized that it was I who was making her moan in lust; that it was I who entered her and made her come. She has invaded my dreams. Now that Donal is away on his ‘quest’, I have been fantasizing about what would happen if I were to slip into her bed at night. This has scared me so much that I have talked her children into sleeping with her every night. This way, she will be protected from me, in case I should lose all sense of propriety.”

“I was afraid this was going to happen…” said Haral.

“What do you mean? Have I been so transparent in my lust for Patra?”

“No, Piatrus, you haven’t. But everyone in the family, with the exception of Donal, has noticed the remarkable resemblance to Anya that Patra bears. Anya has been gone almost thirty years. It is amazing how well you have suppressed your sexual urges all these years. But bottling up your needs for so long isn’t going to make them go away. It just makes them explode at inappropriate moments and in inappropriate ways.”

“I haven’t been celibate all these years. I have used whores from time to time.”

“Be that as it may, that obviously isn’t enough to fulfill all your needs, or you wouldn’t be fantasizing so improperly. You need a wife who will take care of your needs on a daily basis, who will distract you from all this.”

“A wife! I suppose I should have re-married years ago, but I never met another woman who matched Anya as well as Patra does. Now, it is too late for me. All the women my age are dried up old prunes. Any woman who could keep up with my needs would have to be under fifty years old and be interested in the kind of sex that I like. Those women wouldn’t want a randy old coot like me, unless it was a woman who was only willing to marry me for my money, that is. I would rather consort with a whore than a gold-digger.”

I stopped listening. I was so upset that I couldn’t take it any more. I understood now what Granny meant when she told me that eavesdroppers had to be prepared to hear things that they didn’t want to know. I ran to my room so that I could think about all of this in a calm and rational way. It was several hours before I was unagitated enough to analyze what I had heard.

While I was bothered that Pahpey had seen me naked and had watched Donal and I having sex, the fact remained that it was more our fault than Pahpey’s because we were doing something very private in a public area. In some ways it was better that it was Pahpey who discovered us rather than someone who could have done us harm while we were oblivious to the world around us.

That Pahpey had sexual feelings for me disturbed me. But at the same time, I realized that he had never crossed the line of acceptable behavior nor had he ever tried to act upon his urges or tried to seduce me in any way. His actions were always gentlemanly.
I remembered that in Freedonia, when I was part of the royal court, many married women had ‘admirers’ or ‘gentlemen friends’ who acted as platonic lovers to these women, so they would get the attention that their husbands failed to provide, without them breaking their marriage vows. While I never was interested in playing such games, I could see and understand why these women did so.

The more I thought about it and the more I analyzed it, the more forgiving of Pahpey I became. Pahpey was Donal’s family. He had done so many wonderful things for me and for my children; I couldn’t stay mad at him. As long as he never did anything untoward to me, I could live with his ‘admiration’. I also had some responsibility in this. I was going to have to be very circumspect in how I treated him and how I touched him. I couldn’t constantly tempt him and then expect him to remain strong and unmoved. I could no longer cry on his shoulder or hug him or kiss him affectionately on the cheek.

Uncle Haral had mentioned that everyone in the family had noticed my resemblance to Pahpey’s late wife. I became very curious as to what Anya really looked like. I remembered Pahpey had said that he had a portrait of her hanging on the wall in his bedroom. I just had to see this portrait for myself.

I could no longer hear any voices emanating from Pahpey’s rooms. I looked outside and saw both of them talking and walking towards the stables. I decided that this would be the best time to sneak in and look at the painting.

There was no one in the hall connecting our rooms. I opened the door and called out “Pahpey? Are you in here?” with, of course, no response. I then went into the bedroom and saw Anya’s portrait. I was very disappointed in what I saw. It showed a young woman about my age. Her coloring was similar to Donal’s with light blonde hair, green eyes and tan complexion. Shape of her jaw was close to mine, but not exactly the same. Her nose seemed slightly longer than mine. She was very beautiful. I could see why Pahpey had loved her. She was so much prettier than I was. I suppose that a painting couldn’t show all of her expressions and it certainly couldn’t convey the sound of her voice. But I was mystified as to why Haral said what he did.

“What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?” shouted Pahpey. He stood in the doorway, his face livid with anger. “Get out! Get out now!”

“I was just…” I started to explain, but the look on his face scared me. I headed for the door and tried to brush by him. As I did, he grabbed me and pulled me to him, kissing me passionately. He held me so tightly against him that I could feel him becoming erect. He moaned “Oh Anya!” and with his free hand, he pulled at my bodice and exposed my breasts. Then realization seemed to come to him and he pushed me away from him. He then grabbed my arm, dragged me to the hallway door and threw me into the hall, slamming the door in my face.

The next morning, Pahpey had gone. He had told Ferrell that he had important business that he had to attend to in the Archipelagos, which he had to see Stevar about. His ship left port with the early morning tide.