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Uncle Haral came to see me later that day to give me consolation and help me through my grief. Considering all that was going on in Alfaria, I was very touched that he would take time out of his busy schedule to see me. I said this to him also.

“Nonsense, my dear girl! This is what family is for, to help support our loved ones when they are in need.

“I can only imagine how you are feeling. I loved Donal as if he had been my own child. I will miss his open heart, his loving and free spirit. When we were together, when we were on the mission to rescue you from Rajfahar, he told me frequently about you and about his love for you. He wasn’t by nature the adventurous type, but he made himself be so for you. He loved you passionately and he wasn’t afraid to let the whole world know this. In many ways, the two of you were so well matched. I cannot think of a better wife for him than you. I also know how much he loved your children, not only the ones you gave him, but also your other children. He loved them just as a father should. He was a wonderful and natural father. I am glad that he wasn’t ruined or destroyed by his own father. I was so glad that Donal rejected all the bad influences that his own father must have tried to impart.”

I began to weep again. All the kind words that Haral said made me miss Donal all the more. Haral gave me a quick hug and then a clean handkerchief to use.

“As your religious advisor, I am confident when I say that Donal, of all people, was one of the good souls, who was always helpful, never thought badly of others and treated everyone as an equal. I think that I can say with confidence that Donal has been admitted to Empyrean and lives now in paradise. I know that it is hard for you not to have him here with you, but I hope that you will take some comfort in that his soul is not in limbo or in a bad place. When you have fulfilled your destiny in life, I know that you and he will be reunited for eternity. I hope that you can take comfort in that.”

I nodded ‘yes’ as I continued weeping.

“I know that this is hard to think about right now,” Haral continued, “but when the Medical Examiner has finished with Donal’s body, we have to start to plan his funeral. Not immediately, but later. I need your input into what kind of ceremony you want. Like we did for you sister.”

I nodded ‘yes’ again. But I didn’t feel up to saying anything, or I would break down again.

“Do you need me further? I am at your disposal, whenever you need me.”

Unable to speak, I gave Uncle Haral a hug.

Haral sighed. “Now comes the really hard part for me. I have to go and comfort Piatrus. Piatrus is a very complex man. I have known him my entire life and have been fortunate to call him my brother. He is very many things. Driven, successful, a hard businessman. But he is many other things too. He has sides that he rarely shows to others because he hides them behind walls to protect himself from betrayal and hurt.

“I wish you could have seen him when Anya was alive. She was something special and helped him to come out from behind those walls. He loved her to distraction. In many respects, Piatrus was very like Donal then. But when Anya died, he retreated back behind his walls. He only allowed his children in, and Rosa and me. And Donal, the times that he was sent here to live, the times that Dashal would send him away. Piatrus learned to love and trust him also; probably because he saw a lot of himself and Helene in Donal. Donal always returned his love.

“Now with both Stevar and Donal gone, I am afraid that he will retreat even further. I know that he is hurting a lot. He may look like a tower of strength to the rest of the world, but I worry that the tower’s foundations are crumbling.

“I am sorry to burden you with my ramblings like this. I must be getting old.” He sighed. “Are you okay right now? I don’t want you to worry or have you think that I have abandoned you, when you still need me. Do you still wish for me to stay?”

“No. Please go to Piatrus. I will be fine for the moment.”

Haral leaned over, kissed my cheek and gave me a quick hug. “I will come back and see you before I leave. Hold on, my dear girl. Keep strong. It may seem impossible at the moment, but if you take everything just one step at a time, you will get through this. I know this. I have every confidence in you. I will be back.”

“Thank you.”

When Haral had left, I got restless. I got up and went into the bedroom. Our bedroom. I went to the closet and saw all of Donal’s clothes hanging there. I remembered how he had looked in all of them. Even though I knew that they had been properly washed, I could still smell his scent on all of them. A masculine, vibrant scent that was Donal. I took down a shirt of his and I held it close to me. I closed my eyes and pretended that he was there with me, holding me in his strong arms. I wept again when I realized that I would never be able to hold him again.

I don’t know why, but I felt enclosed and imprisoned. I needed to get out of the house and walk in the fresh air for a while. I hung his shirt back up and I hurried down the main corridor, until I found the door that led to the garden.

It was a pleasant autumn afternoon outside. The sun felt warm on my face, but there was a cool ocean breeze that kept the temperature bearable. I walked in the garden for a while. There were few flowers blooming this late in the season, but the colors of the trees were brilliant reds, oranges and yellows, that made up for the lack of flowers. I rambled around for quite a while, lost in my memories and my grief. When I finally became aware of my surroundings, I found myself in front of Donal’s studio. To my amazement, I thought I saw movement inside, so I went in. But once inside, it was clear that I was mistaken. I was alone there.

The studio had been cleaned up from this morning. It was clean and looked like it was waiting for Donal to return once more, to work on his next commission. I walked over to his work bench, with all his tools laid out in order. I picked each and every one of them up and felt them and imagined what they would have felt like while he was using them.

While I was doing this, I felt Donal’s presence there and I could smell his scent again. Then, in a faint whisper, I heard, “Patra, my love, my heart!” I turned around, expecting to see him behind me, but he wasn’t there. Again, I heard him whisper, “Patra, I am with you in your heart. I will always be there with you.”

“Donal!” I cried out, “Do not leave me, Donal! I cannot bear to be so alone! Please do not leave me?”

“Patra!” he whispered again. “I am always with you. I will always be with you whenever you need me. I will never leave you alone.”

I lay down on the floor where his body had lain, and I clutched his tools to my bosom and continued to hear his words of love to me. I could feel his presence encompass me and I found solace there.

Some time later, I heard a commotion outside. There were voices and shouting and the sounds of men running. But I didn’t listen to them. I didn’t care, because I was with Donal and that was all that I needed.

The door to the studio opened. I heard Loysa’s voice, “Please come, Pahpey, Uncle Orlando, Uncle Haral? Mama is in here. I know it.”

Orlando, Haral and Piatrus came in carrying flambeaus, which lit up the now dark room. Loysa came running over to me. With the intrusion of people in the studio, Donal’s presence disappeared and I was bereft once more. I began to sob once more. I could feel Loysa’s small body lay down with me and hug me. “Please don’t be so sad, Mama? You promised not to be so sad …” And she began to cry also. I put down the tools that I had been holding and I took Loysa in my arms, cradling her as we cried together.

“Thank ghod, we found you, Patra! We were beginning to fear something had happened to you!” Piatrus exclaimed. “You shouldn’t be here, my dear.”

“No? Why shouldn’t I be? I can feel Donal’s presence here …”

“Yes, Patra,” replied Haral gently, “I am sure that you do. But it is dinner time now. I am sure that you have not eaten all day. You need to eat to keep up your strength and to keep your baby healthy.”

Haral helped Loysa to her feet and thanked her for her assistance. He then helped me up and held me as we walked back to the main house. I could hear people shouting behind me, “She has been found! She is safe!”

When we entered the dining room, dinner was ready to be served. I was seated between Uncle Haral and Aunt Suthi. “Where is Loysa?” I asked. “Where are my children?”

“Loysa is with her brothers and sisters in the nursery,” responded Suthi, “They are having their dinner there, where they don’t have to mind their manners so much. Where they can be as loud and as boisterous as they want to be. You may see them afterwards, if you like.”

“Yes, I want that very much.”

Although I was very thirsty, I found the food to be tasteless as sawdust. I could barely force down a couple of bites. Suthi noticed me pushing around my food and reproved me. “My dear child, you have hardly eaten enough to feed a bird! You need to eat more! You need to feed your baby too!”

“I know!” I said plaintively. “But I am just not hungry now.”

“Perhaps you would like something else to eat?” asked Haral solicitously. “How about some nice pears or grapes? They are sweet to the taste and are good for you.”

“I don’t know…”

“How about a bargain with me? If I can bring as smile to your lips, will you eat the fruit that I use to do so?” Haral asked, with a smile on his face.

I felt doubtful, but I made the bargain with him.

Haral then took a grape, a couple of pears, a banana and a mango and began to juggle them, telling the silliest of stories about a lost little grape who was trying to return to its bunch and having adventures with the other fruit. Especially silly was the story of the fruit floating on a banana boar that floated down a river and went over a waterfall, tumbling about and being thrown every which way, until the sad, little grape found his family again and they danced with joy in celebration. When he had finished, everyone clapped with delight, myself included. And because I had accepted the bargain, I ate all of the storytelling fruit, although I did feel a bit guilty eating such valiant and resourceful fruit.

“Thank you, brother! I haven’t seen you do that in years. Probably not since my children were small.” Piatrus said admiringly.

“Oh, I keep my hand in every once in a while. Sometimes with young novitiates who are feeling homesick or when I am visiting one of our orphanages. I am amazed that I can still do it.”

When I had finished my fruit, I did confess to wanting to have one of Chef Ifon’s frozen custards that were shaped like shells and dipped in chocolate. Ifon personally brought out several for me and seemed touched when I confessed to craving them a lot. I managed to eat two and even Suthi seemed satisfied with my decadent meal.

After dinner, Uncle Haral accompanied me to the nursery to see my children. He even consented to doing the fruit juggling again for them, and had the children laughing uproariously. It was good to be with my family and allow their love to surround me. Haral stayed until the children had been put to bed. He then escorted me to my rooms and made sure that I was put into the care of my maids for the night. Since it was late, Haral spent the night with his brother, rather than return to the Temple.

Ellyn and Mahli had brought in cots and slept in my room with me all night. I know because several times I had nightmares and one or both of them were there with me to comfort me.