Melt The Ice In My Heart
Oct. 23rd, 2006 01:06 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
lfg1986.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
fandomaniaTitle : Melt The Ice In My Heart
Author : lfg1986
Rating : NC17
Pairing : Sam/Dean
Disclaimer : I don’t own them, but boy if I did… ;)
Summary : Sam begins to have feelings for Dean, and he confronts him about it
Warnings : m/m sex, incest
Word Count : 3,771
Author's Notes : This fic came about after I'd requested a nice romantic, slow, tender love-making session between Sam and Dean and no one answered. So I decided to just write it myself. It's my first attempt at actual porn and wincest, so I hope you all enjoy it!
And thank you so much to the wonderful, fantastic![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
longhornhoney for beta-ing this for me!!! I am forever in your debt!
The room was dark, and the only noise was the soft buzz from the vending machine right outside their room. Sam lay awake in his bed, sheets and blanket wound tight around him in a vain attempt to keep out the frigid February air. Truth is, he always felt cold these days, never able to get warm. He’d felt this way since around the time Jess died. And the fact that the heater in their room didn’t even work made it all that much worse.
Sam had tried to sleep, since he knew that he would need to drive part of the way tomorrow, but his restless mind kept him from doing anything other than staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. He moved his head to glance at his brother, who was snoring softly from the other bed. Dean looked peaceful when he was asleep, like his unconscious mind was unaware of all the horrible, frightening things they saw on a daily basis. Sam loved to look at Dean when he was sleeping, it was one of the only times he could see his real brother without all his walls built up around him.
He turned his head back to once again stare at the ceiling, trying to force down the emotion that was currently lumped in his throat. He’d been thinking about Dean a lot lately. Sometimes he thought about what Dean would do on a hunt. Other times, he’d think about how he knew he could count on Dean to be there for him, no matter how much they fight or hurt each other. But sometimes, more so lately, he’d think about just him – not a hunter, not a brother – just Dean. He’d study his brother’s body while he was turned away – his toned arms and broad shoulders, his piercingly intense green eyes, the light freckles on his face. He thought about how his firm hands would fit perfectly in his, or maybe around his waist. He imagined how those sinfully full lips would taste on his mouth, a mixture of salt and beer, and Sam felt a shiver run down his spine. He pulled the blanket closer over him and closed his eyes, trying to make sense of all these thoughts.
He knew it was wrong, that Dean was his brother, and according to society, brothers couldn’t be lovers. But he couldn’t stop the growing interest that had developed in the last couple of months. Dean had been the one who had helped him deal with losing Jessica. He’d been the one to pull him out of his deepest sorrow and show him that life was still worth living. Maybe these feelings were rooted in his pain and confusion, just another way to help deal with his loss. Maybe, on some level, they’d been there all along, suppressed by his understanding of social norms. Wherever they were coming from, Sam knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep them quiet for much longer. He had to do something, and soon.
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Sam heaved an exasperated sigh as he watched Dean expertly flirt with yet another small-town girl in yet another dingy bar. It had been a week since he’d vowed to confront Dean about his feelings for him, but every time he’d find the courage to say something, he’d find Dean talking up the first thing in a skirt that walked by. He started having second thoughts about the whole thing, figuring that Dean obviously wouldn’t reciprocate, and saying something would just mess everything thing up between them just when they were finally starting to feel comfortable around each other. But that was the problem. He felt too comfortable around Dean, and he knew that Dean would start to notice sooner or later, anyway. Feeling confused and frustrated, he headed over to Dean, careful to not let his jealousy of the petite brunette show too much.
“Hey, I’m gonna go wait in the car. Just let me know when you’re ready to go.”
“Sam, are you crazy? It’s freezing out there!”
Sam cringed, knowing that the icy air outside could never compare to the frozen cave his heart had become. “It’s fine. Besides, the music’s giving me a headache. Just don’t be all night.”
Before Dean could argue, Sam turned and headed for the door. He found the Impala parked on the side of the building, and he climbed in the backseat, lying down and trying to shut out all thoughts of his brother and that girl.
Not even ten minutes later, Sam heard the front door on the driver’s side open and felt the car shift as Dean slid in. Sam opened his eyes, curious as to why Dean was there so quick. “What happened?”
“Nothing. I just wasn’t into it.”
Sam quirked his eyebrows at that. If there was one thing he knew about his brother, it was that he was always “into it”.
Seeing Sam’s amused look, Dean lightly smacked his arm. “Hey, give me some credit, man. I felt bad about you freezing your ass off out here, so I told her maybe next time.” And there’s the Dean that Sam knew. There’s always a next time. Still, he couldn’t he help feeling good at the fact that his brother had turned down sex for him. Once again, he thought that it was time to get things out in the open between them, no holds barred. Neither one of them said anything else on the way back to the motel. Sam was lost in thought over just how to go about telling Dean that he was falling for his own brother, for him. Even though Dean blasted the heat in the car, Sam kept shivering as the realization of what he was about to do finally hit him.
Dean parked the car and went into the motel room first. Sam waited a beat, took a deep breath and followed him. But apparently he waited just a little too long, cause just as he stepped inside the room, he heard the door to the bathroom click shut. A few seconds later, he heard the shower start up, and he sighed quietly and cursed himself for being so nervous. He perched on the edge of the bed, his mind racing through a thousand different thoughts, his body in a cold sweat. After what seemed like a lifetime, Sam heard the water shut off. He shot up and off of the bed and quickly paced the room while he waited for Dean to emerge. He had it all planned out in his head, exactly what he was going to say. But knew also knew that no matter what he said, the decision was Dean’s to make, and he almost choked on that thought. Then he heard the door open, and he turned to face it with his mouth open as he started to speak.
The words died on his tongue and he froze when he took in the sight that was standing before him. Dean, clad only in a short towel, his short hair dripping water down his neck and back. Dean, seeing his brother’s open-mouthed gape, began to feel self-conscious. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Uh…I, well…” He tried to stutter through an explanation, but found that he couldn’t actually form the words. Finally, he managed to choke out a “Nothing.” It was silly really, he’d seen his brother in a towel countless other times in his life, but he just wasn’t prepared for it at that moment.
Dean seemed satisfied with Sam’s answer, even though he was a bit curious as to why he was staring at him like he had a big ugly mark on him or something. He went over to the bed where his clothes were sitting in a pile, and he sifted through them until he found a clean shirt and pair of pants to throw on. Sam continued to gawk as his brother pulled the shirt over his head, his body still damp and making the shirt cling to him slightly. Before he could think about what he was doing, the words came tumbling out of Sam’s mouth. “Dean, I need to talk to you.”
Dean didn’t look up as he asked, “What is it, Sammy?” He was just about to undo his towel to step into the pair of jeans he’d decided on when he heard Sam say, “I want you.”
Dean stopped, waiting for Sam to finish his thought. But when no further explanation came, he turned to face Sam, his hand still gripping the towel fastened to his hip. “You want me to what?”
Sam sighed in frustration and tried repeating himself. “No, Dean. I want you.” Dean, still clearly confused by Sam’s limited explanation, just blinked at him. Sam grew aggravated as he desperately searched for the words to make Dean understand what he was trying to say. Then it hit him. Dean didn’t communicate by using words, he responded to actions.
Before Sam could wrap his mind around what he was doing, he stepped close to Dean and took his face in his hands and shoved them both backwards until Dean’s back was against the wall. He quickly leaned in to bring his lips to Dean’s before his mind had a chance to stop him. Dean’s lips were soft and moist from the shower he’d just taken, but Sam could feel every muscle in Dean’s body tense up as he forced himself onto him. He shut his eyes tight, convinced that he’d just made a monumental mistake and screwed everything up, but yet he couldn’t make himself pull away, afraid to see and hear Dean’s reaction.
He mentally started going through all the things he could blame this on to make it less awkward – being possessed, put under a spell, even just being drunk. But deep down he knew that Dean would know that he was lying. If he was really going to go through with this, it was now or never.
Just as he was about to break the kiss and try to explain himself, he felt Dean’s body relax and his mouth slowly open, granting Sam access. It startled him so much that he almost ran out of the room, the thought that this was really happening and he wasn’t dreaming almost too much for him to process. But instead, he tentatively slid his tongue between Dean’s inviting lips. When Dean didn’t try to push him away, Sam slowly deepened the kiss, anxious to explore the unknown caverns of Dean’s mouth. After another minute of hesitation and uncertainty, Dean began to kiss him back, finding Sam’s tongue with his own and entwining them. He savored this new taste of salt and beer and Sam. He found purchase in Sam’s long, soft hair, gripping it so tightly that Sam let out a quiet whine.
Sam only pulled back when he felt so lightheaded he thought he’d pass out, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Dean. The only sound he could hear was the pumping of his own blood loud in his ears. After a long moment, Dean finally spoke. “How long?” His voice was quiet and gentle, as if he’d already suspected and was just waiting for Sam’s confirmation.
Sam’s voice hitched when he heard his brother’s voice. Still unable to look at him, he squeezed his eyes tight and sighed. He was shaking again, the never-ending cold now flooding through his body in full force. “A few months now.”
Dean nodded slowly, letting the information sink in. He looked directly at Sam, who was still staring at the carpet. Sam crossed his arms in an attempt to stop his now visible shaking. Dean looked on in concern, and he knew it was time for the truth. “Well, I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever catch up.”
Sam’s head snapped up and he locked eyes with Dean. “What?”
“You heard me.” Dean stared hard at Sam, almost challenging him to question what he’d said.
“You? But…when? How?”
“Since the night you left for Stanford, maybe even before. All I know is that a part of me died when you left, and I forced myself to admit what was really going on. I figured that it didn’t matter anymore with you gone, but then when Dad went missing and I needed you…” He trailed off, leaving the rest for Sam to fill in himself.
Sam stood shocked into silence for a long moment before he managed to form words again. All this time, he’d thought his thoughts were wrong and unrequited, only to learn now that Dean had been feeling those same things even before he had. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Same reason it took you so long, I suppose.” Dean managed a wry smile. “Besides, what was I suppose to say? ‘Hey Sam, great hunt. You wanna fuck?’ I don’t think so. I’m supposed to be protecting you, remember, not seducing you.”
Sam’s eyes narrowed and he was ready to argue the point when he realized that there was no sense in doing so. He knew that if Dean were alone in this, Sam wouldn’t have taken it too well had he brought it up. And even if Dean had suspected his feelings before this, Sam knew that Dean respected him enough to let him make the first move when he was ready, and not push him into it. Sam sighed and dropped his arms, his shaking only mild now. “So what now?”
Dean looked at him again, his face a mixture of confusion and guilt. “I don’t know. I just…don’t know.” His voice sounded small and far away, not like Dean at all.
Suddenly, something inside of Sam snapped, and without another thought, he moved in closer to Dean and bent in for another kiss. But Dean pulled away quickly, placing his hands on Sam’s shoulders to stop him. “No, Sam. I don’t think we should be –“
But Sam cut him off by bringing up his hand and covering Dean’s mouth with it. “Shh. Just…don’t, ok? I don’t want to think anymore. I’ve been driving myself crazy for the past few months just thinking about this. Now, I just want to feel.” His eyes bore into Dean’s, willing him to understand and just let this happen. After a brief moment, he felt Dean’s grip soften on his shoulder, and he could actually see the moment when Dean gave in to his overpowering desires to be one with his baby brother. Sam took that as his cue, and he moved his hand from Dean’s mouth to the side of his face, softly stroking his cheekbone before once again leaning in to capture Dean’s lips in his. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck and pulled him closer, finally accepting the embrace completely with body, mind and spirit.
The kiss was deep and passionate, but not urgent or rough. A million different emotions surged through Sam, each one more intense than the last. Dean’s hands snaked their way back into Sam’s hair, and his gentle massaging had Sam moaning into his open mouth.
They stayed like that for a long while, but then Sam felt the need for more. He grabbed onto the front of Dean’s shirt and started walking them backwards toward the bed. He never broke the kiss, though, afraid that all this would melt away if he did. He carefully maneuvered through the room until the backs of his knees found the bed. His hands still wound in the still-damp fabric of Dean’s shirt, Sam lay back on the bed, gently pulling Dean down on top of him. Dean put his arms out on either side of Sam and broke the kiss just long enough to look at Sam, passing a silent “Are you sure?” between them. Sam’s answer came in the form of him taking Dean’s hand in his and placing it over his heart. His pulse was racing, and he gave Dean a slight smile before guiding his hands over to Sam’s shirt buttons. Dean slowly and tenderly undid them, pausing after each one to look at Sam, who silently urged him on with his intense gaze. Once he’d finished unbuttoning Sam’s shirt, he slid his hands underneath the soft fabric to feel Sam’s rock-hard chest. His fingers ghosted over every muscle and scar on his brother’s exposed skin, burning them into his memory. He could feel himself starting to grow hard, but he wanted to make this last, to make it special for both of them.
Once Dean was done exploring Sam’s chest, he slid the shirt the rest of the way off Sam’s body, then peeled off his own. He reached for Sam’s belt and quickly unfastened it, pulling Sam’s pants and boxers off with one swift movement. Sam gasped at the sudden burst of cold air on his body, starting to shake once again. All that was left between them was Dean’s towel, hanging loosely around his hips. Sam brought his hand up and released the loop, watching as it dropped to the ground and uncovered the last of Dean’s body. For a long moment, all they did was look at each other, the sound of their heavy breathing the only sound in the air.
Sam slid further up the bed to get into a more comfortable position, not quite sure what to expect next. Dean waited until he got situated, then he straddled his legs and placed his hands on either side of Sam’s face. He bent forward and engulfed Sam in a smoldering kiss, having skin-on-skin contact for the first time. Sam immediately felt the coldness he’d experienced earlier disappear, replaced by Dean’s scorching heat. Dean kissed his neck and shoulders, creating a wet, burning trail all the way to his navel. Sam closed his eyes and reveled in this newfound ecstasy.
Dean continued to explore Sam with his tongue, licking and gently nipping at sensitive areas, each time getting a soft whine from Sam. He moved back up Sam’s body and nibbled at his ear briefly before leaning over and grabbing something from the top drawer of the nightstand. When Sam saw it was a small tube of lube, he gave his brother a questioning look. Dean smirked in response and said, “Always be prepared, Sammy.” They both laughed as Sam sat up to catch Dean’s lips with his.
Dean opened the lube and applied some to his fingers and now rock hard cock as Sam moved his legs apart to grant Dean easier access. Dean traced a finger along the edge of Sam’s puckered entrance, and then slowly pushed it in. Sam gasped at the sudden intrusion, but he nodded for Dean to keep going. After a minute, Dean gently worked in a second finger, slowly stretching Sam.
Once Dean was satisfied that Sam was open enough for him, he pulled his fingers out and bent down for one last loving, tender kiss, which seemed to say “Trust me”. Sam returned the kiss as a way of letting Dean know that he knew Dean would never hurt him. Dean finally broke away and lined himself up with Sam’s hole. Neither one of them was ready for the overwhelming sensation that came as Dean pushed inside Sam, a fact made apparent by their matching moans of pleasure and pain combined.
Before Dean could move, he looked down at Sam. What he found was a mixture of desire, need and fear. He realized then that, even though Sam had confronted Dean about this, these feelings were much newer to Sam than they were to him, and it couldn’t have been easy on him, especially after what happened to Jessica.
He reached over and found one of Sam’s hands and managed to pry it away from the sheets he was clutching for dear life. He brought the hand to his lips and softly kissed the tips of Sam’s fingers, all the while keeping his eyes locked on his brother. He then intertwined their fingers, and he found Sam’s other hand and did the same. When he saw the fear start to subside in Sam’s eyes, he slowly began to move inside him.
He set a slow, steady rhythm, determined to hold out as long as he could. Each thrust brought him deeper inside Sam and closer to his own personal heaven that he’d waited such a long time for. He wanted to please his brother, to show him how much he loved him by taking it slow.
Sam had imagined this moment so many times in the past few months. He’d always though it would be fast and rough, as many things are with Dean. Not like this. This…was so much more. It was tender and intimate; two people expressing a love, not just trying to gain some physical pleasure.
As Dean got closer to the edge, he moved one of his hands still locked with Sam’s to Sam’s now weeping cock. He let go of Sam’s fingers to grab onto his dick, but Sam kept his hands over Dean’s as together they stroked Sam toward his own climax.
Dean began thrusting just a little bit faster, matching the rhythm he’d set for stroking Sam. Sam moaned softly beneath him and squeezed his hand, and that alone was enough to make Dean come deep inside him.
Feeling Dean’s heat explode in him and hearing the soft whisper of his name on Dean’s lips as he came sent Sam spiraling over the edge after him, shooting his come over their joined hands and onto his stomach.
Completely spent, Dean collapsed onto Sam and blacked out. When he came to, he turned to look at Sam, who had tears streaming down his cheeks. He went into full-on big brother mode as he became instantly worried. “Sammy, what is it? Did I hurt you?”
Sam just shook his head weakly. “No, it’s just…” He was too choked up to finish.
“What?” Dean’s mind was racing now, contemplating all the things that might be wrong with Sam.
Sam looked directly at Dean and smiled. “I’ve finally stopped feeling cold.” He pulled his brother back down onto his chest and lightly kissed the top of his head. And with that, he finally let sleep overtake him, covered in nothing but Dean.
Author : lfg1986
Rating : NC17
Pairing : Sam/Dean
Disclaimer : I don’t own them, but boy if I did… ;)
Summary : Sam begins to have feelings for Dean, and he confronts him about it
Warnings : m/m sex, incest
Word Count : 3,771
Author's Notes : This fic came about after I'd requested a nice romantic, slow, tender love-making session between Sam and Dean and no one answered. So I decided to just write it myself. It's my first attempt at actual porn and wincest, so I hope you all enjoy it!
And thank you so much to the wonderful, fantastic
longhornhoney for beta-ing this for me!!! I am forever in your debt!The room was dark, and the only noise was the soft buzz from the vending machine right outside their room. Sam lay awake in his bed, sheets and blanket wound tight around him in a vain attempt to keep out the frigid February air. Truth is, he always felt cold these days, never able to get warm. He’d felt this way since around the time Jess died. And the fact that the heater in their room didn’t even work made it all that much worse.
Sam had tried to sleep, since he knew that he would need to drive part of the way tomorrow, but his restless mind kept him from doing anything other than staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. He moved his head to glance at his brother, who was snoring softly from the other bed. Dean looked peaceful when he was asleep, like his unconscious mind was unaware of all the horrible, frightening things they saw on a daily basis. Sam loved to look at Dean when he was sleeping, it was one of the only times he could see his real brother without all his walls built up around him.
He turned his head back to once again stare at the ceiling, trying to force down the emotion that was currently lumped in his throat. He’d been thinking about Dean a lot lately. Sometimes he thought about what Dean would do on a hunt. Other times, he’d think about how he knew he could count on Dean to be there for him, no matter how much they fight or hurt each other. But sometimes, more so lately, he’d think about just him – not a hunter, not a brother – just Dean. He’d study his brother’s body while he was turned away – his toned arms and broad shoulders, his piercingly intense green eyes, the light freckles on his face. He thought about how his firm hands would fit perfectly in his, or maybe around his waist. He imagined how those sinfully full lips would taste on his mouth, a mixture of salt and beer, and Sam felt a shiver run down his spine. He pulled the blanket closer over him and closed his eyes, trying to make sense of all these thoughts.
He knew it was wrong, that Dean was his brother, and according to society, brothers couldn’t be lovers. But he couldn’t stop the growing interest that had developed in the last couple of months. Dean had been the one who had helped him deal with losing Jessica. He’d been the one to pull him out of his deepest sorrow and show him that life was still worth living. Maybe these feelings were rooted in his pain and confusion, just another way to help deal with his loss. Maybe, on some level, they’d been there all along, suppressed by his understanding of social norms. Wherever they were coming from, Sam knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep them quiet for much longer. He had to do something, and soon.
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Sam heaved an exasperated sigh as he watched Dean expertly flirt with yet another small-town girl in yet another dingy bar. It had been a week since he’d vowed to confront Dean about his feelings for him, but every time he’d find the courage to say something, he’d find Dean talking up the first thing in a skirt that walked by. He started having second thoughts about the whole thing, figuring that Dean obviously wouldn’t reciprocate, and saying something would just mess everything thing up between them just when they were finally starting to feel comfortable around each other. But that was the problem. He felt too comfortable around Dean, and he knew that Dean would start to notice sooner or later, anyway. Feeling confused and frustrated, he headed over to Dean, careful to not let his jealousy of the petite brunette show too much.
“Hey, I’m gonna go wait in the car. Just let me know when you’re ready to go.”
“Sam, are you crazy? It’s freezing out there!”
Sam cringed, knowing that the icy air outside could never compare to the frozen cave his heart had become. “It’s fine. Besides, the music’s giving me a headache. Just don’t be all night.”
Before Dean could argue, Sam turned and headed for the door. He found the Impala parked on the side of the building, and he climbed in the backseat, lying down and trying to shut out all thoughts of his brother and that girl.
Not even ten minutes later, Sam heard the front door on the driver’s side open and felt the car shift as Dean slid in. Sam opened his eyes, curious as to why Dean was there so quick. “What happened?”
“Nothing. I just wasn’t into it.”
Sam quirked his eyebrows at that. If there was one thing he knew about his brother, it was that he was always “into it”.
Seeing Sam’s amused look, Dean lightly smacked his arm. “Hey, give me some credit, man. I felt bad about you freezing your ass off out here, so I told her maybe next time.” And there’s the Dean that Sam knew. There’s always a next time. Still, he couldn’t he help feeling good at the fact that his brother had turned down sex for him. Once again, he thought that it was time to get things out in the open between them, no holds barred. Neither one of them said anything else on the way back to the motel. Sam was lost in thought over just how to go about telling Dean that he was falling for his own brother, for him. Even though Dean blasted the heat in the car, Sam kept shivering as the realization of what he was about to do finally hit him.
Dean parked the car and went into the motel room first. Sam waited a beat, took a deep breath and followed him. But apparently he waited just a little too long, cause just as he stepped inside the room, he heard the door to the bathroom click shut. A few seconds later, he heard the shower start up, and he sighed quietly and cursed himself for being so nervous. He perched on the edge of the bed, his mind racing through a thousand different thoughts, his body in a cold sweat. After what seemed like a lifetime, Sam heard the water shut off. He shot up and off of the bed and quickly paced the room while he waited for Dean to emerge. He had it all planned out in his head, exactly what he was going to say. But knew also knew that no matter what he said, the decision was Dean’s to make, and he almost choked on that thought. Then he heard the door open, and he turned to face it with his mouth open as he started to speak.
The words died on his tongue and he froze when he took in the sight that was standing before him. Dean, clad only in a short towel, his short hair dripping water down his neck and back. Dean, seeing his brother’s open-mouthed gape, began to feel self-conscious. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Uh…I, well…” He tried to stutter through an explanation, but found that he couldn’t actually form the words. Finally, he managed to choke out a “Nothing.” It was silly really, he’d seen his brother in a towel countless other times in his life, but he just wasn’t prepared for it at that moment.
Dean seemed satisfied with Sam’s answer, even though he was a bit curious as to why he was staring at him like he had a big ugly mark on him or something. He went over to the bed where his clothes were sitting in a pile, and he sifted through them until he found a clean shirt and pair of pants to throw on. Sam continued to gawk as his brother pulled the shirt over his head, his body still damp and making the shirt cling to him slightly. Before he could think about what he was doing, the words came tumbling out of Sam’s mouth. “Dean, I need to talk to you.”
Dean didn’t look up as he asked, “What is it, Sammy?” He was just about to undo his towel to step into the pair of jeans he’d decided on when he heard Sam say, “I want you.”
Dean stopped, waiting for Sam to finish his thought. But when no further explanation came, he turned to face Sam, his hand still gripping the towel fastened to his hip. “You want me to what?”
Sam sighed in frustration and tried repeating himself. “No, Dean. I want you.” Dean, still clearly confused by Sam’s limited explanation, just blinked at him. Sam grew aggravated as he desperately searched for the words to make Dean understand what he was trying to say. Then it hit him. Dean didn’t communicate by using words, he responded to actions.
Before Sam could wrap his mind around what he was doing, he stepped close to Dean and took his face in his hands and shoved them both backwards until Dean’s back was against the wall. He quickly leaned in to bring his lips to Dean’s before his mind had a chance to stop him. Dean’s lips were soft and moist from the shower he’d just taken, but Sam could feel every muscle in Dean’s body tense up as he forced himself onto him. He shut his eyes tight, convinced that he’d just made a monumental mistake and screwed everything up, but yet he couldn’t make himself pull away, afraid to see and hear Dean’s reaction.
He mentally started going through all the things he could blame this on to make it less awkward – being possessed, put under a spell, even just being drunk. But deep down he knew that Dean would know that he was lying. If he was really going to go through with this, it was now or never.
Just as he was about to break the kiss and try to explain himself, he felt Dean’s body relax and his mouth slowly open, granting Sam access. It startled him so much that he almost ran out of the room, the thought that this was really happening and he wasn’t dreaming almost too much for him to process. But instead, he tentatively slid his tongue between Dean’s inviting lips. When Dean didn’t try to push him away, Sam slowly deepened the kiss, anxious to explore the unknown caverns of Dean’s mouth. After another minute of hesitation and uncertainty, Dean began to kiss him back, finding Sam’s tongue with his own and entwining them. He savored this new taste of salt and beer and Sam. He found purchase in Sam’s long, soft hair, gripping it so tightly that Sam let out a quiet whine.
Sam only pulled back when he felt so lightheaded he thought he’d pass out, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Dean. The only sound he could hear was the pumping of his own blood loud in his ears. After a long moment, Dean finally spoke. “How long?” His voice was quiet and gentle, as if he’d already suspected and was just waiting for Sam’s confirmation.
Sam’s voice hitched when he heard his brother’s voice. Still unable to look at him, he squeezed his eyes tight and sighed. He was shaking again, the never-ending cold now flooding through his body in full force. “A few months now.”
Dean nodded slowly, letting the information sink in. He looked directly at Sam, who was still staring at the carpet. Sam crossed his arms in an attempt to stop his now visible shaking. Dean looked on in concern, and he knew it was time for the truth. “Well, I was beginning to wonder if you’d ever catch up.”
Sam’s head snapped up and he locked eyes with Dean. “What?”
“You heard me.” Dean stared hard at Sam, almost challenging him to question what he’d said.
“You? But…when? How?”
“Since the night you left for Stanford, maybe even before. All I know is that a part of me died when you left, and I forced myself to admit what was really going on. I figured that it didn’t matter anymore with you gone, but then when Dad went missing and I needed you…” He trailed off, leaving the rest for Sam to fill in himself.
Sam stood shocked into silence for a long moment before he managed to form words again. All this time, he’d thought his thoughts were wrong and unrequited, only to learn now that Dean had been feeling those same things even before he had. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Same reason it took you so long, I suppose.” Dean managed a wry smile. “Besides, what was I suppose to say? ‘Hey Sam, great hunt. You wanna fuck?’ I don’t think so. I’m supposed to be protecting you, remember, not seducing you.”
Sam’s eyes narrowed and he was ready to argue the point when he realized that there was no sense in doing so. He knew that if Dean were alone in this, Sam wouldn’t have taken it too well had he brought it up. And even if Dean had suspected his feelings before this, Sam knew that Dean respected him enough to let him make the first move when he was ready, and not push him into it. Sam sighed and dropped his arms, his shaking only mild now. “So what now?”
Dean looked at him again, his face a mixture of confusion and guilt. “I don’t know. I just…don’t know.” His voice sounded small and far away, not like Dean at all.
Suddenly, something inside of Sam snapped, and without another thought, he moved in closer to Dean and bent in for another kiss. But Dean pulled away quickly, placing his hands on Sam’s shoulders to stop him. “No, Sam. I don’t think we should be –“
But Sam cut him off by bringing up his hand and covering Dean’s mouth with it. “Shh. Just…don’t, ok? I don’t want to think anymore. I’ve been driving myself crazy for the past few months just thinking about this. Now, I just want to feel.” His eyes bore into Dean’s, willing him to understand and just let this happen. After a brief moment, he felt Dean’s grip soften on his shoulder, and he could actually see the moment when Dean gave in to his overpowering desires to be one with his baby brother. Sam took that as his cue, and he moved his hand from Dean’s mouth to the side of his face, softly stroking his cheekbone before once again leaning in to capture Dean’s lips in his. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck and pulled him closer, finally accepting the embrace completely with body, mind and spirit.
The kiss was deep and passionate, but not urgent or rough. A million different emotions surged through Sam, each one more intense than the last. Dean’s hands snaked their way back into Sam’s hair, and his gentle massaging had Sam moaning into his open mouth.
They stayed like that for a long while, but then Sam felt the need for more. He grabbed onto the front of Dean’s shirt and started walking them backwards toward the bed. He never broke the kiss, though, afraid that all this would melt away if he did. He carefully maneuvered through the room until the backs of his knees found the bed. His hands still wound in the still-damp fabric of Dean’s shirt, Sam lay back on the bed, gently pulling Dean down on top of him. Dean put his arms out on either side of Sam and broke the kiss just long enough to look at Sam, passing a silent “Are you sure?” between them. Sam’s answer came in the form of him taking Dean’s hand in his and placing it over his heart. His pulse was racing, and he gave Dean a slight smile before guiding his hands over to Sam’s shirt buttons. Dean slowly and tenderly undid them, pausing after each one to look at Sam, who silently urged him on with his intense gaze. Once he’d finished unbuttoning Sam’s shirt, he slid his hands underneath the soft fabric to feel Sam’s rock-hard chest. His fingers ghosted over every muscle and scar on his brother’s exposed skin, burning them into his memory. He could feel himself starting to grow hard, but he wanted to make this last, to make it special for both of them.
Once Dean was done exploring Sam’s chest, he slid the shirt the rest of the way off Sam’s body, then peeled off his own. He reached for Sam’s belt and quickly unfastened it, pulling Sam’s pants and boxers off with one swift movement. Sam gasped at the sudden burst of cold air on his body, starting to shake once again. All that was left between them was Dean’s towel, hanging loosely around his hips. Sam brought his hand up and released the loop, watching as it dropped to the ground and uncovered the last of Dean’s body. For a long moment, all they did was look at each other, the sound of their heavy breathing the only sound in the air.
Sam slid further up the bed to get into a more comfortable position, not quite sure what to expect next. Dean waited until he got situated, then he straddled his legs and placed his hands on either side of Sam’s face. He bent forward and engulfed Sam in a smoldering kiss, having skin-on-skin contact for the first time. Sam immediately felt the coldness he’d experienced earlier disappear, replaced by Dean’s scorching heat. Dean kissed his neck and shoulders, creating a wet, burning trail all the way to his navel. Sam closed his eyes and reveled in this newfound ecstasy.
Dean continued to explore Sam with his tongue, licking and gently nipping at sensitive areas, each time getting a soft whine from Sam. He moved back up Sam’s body and nibbled at his ear briefly before leaning over and grabbing something from the top drawer of the nightstand. When Sam saw it was a small tube of lube, he gave his brother a questioning look. Dean smirked in response and said, “Always be prepared, Sammy.” They both laughed as Sam sat up to catch Dean’s lips with his.
Dean opened the lube and applied some to his fingers and now rock hard cock as Sam moved his legs apart to grant Dean easier access. Dean traced a finger along the edge of Sam’s puckered entrance, and then slowly pushed it in. Sam gasped at the sudden intrusion, but he nodded for Dean to keep going. After a minute, Dean gently worked in a second finger, slowly stretching Sam.
Once Dean was satisfied that Sam was open enough for him, he pulled his fingers out and bent down for one last loving, tender kiss, which seemed to say “Trust me”. Sam returned the kiss as a way of letting Dean know that he knew Dean would never hurt him. Dean finally broke away and lined himself up with Sam’s hole. Neither one of them was ready for the overwhelming sensation that came as Dean pushed inside Sam, a fact made apparent by their matching moans of pleasure and pain combined.
Before Dean could move, he looked down at Sam. What he found was a mixture of desire, need and fear. He realized then that, even though Sam had confronted Dean about this, these feelings were much newer to Sam than they were to him, and it couldn’t have been easy on him, especially after what happened to Jessica.
He reached over and found one of Sam’s hands and managed to pry it away from the sheets he was clutching for dear life. He brought the hand to his lips and softly kissed the tips of Sam’s fingers, all the while keeping his eyes locked on his brother. He then intertwined their fingers, and he found Sam’s other hand and did the same. When he saw the fear start to subside in Sam’s eyes, he slowly began to move inside him.
He set a slow, steady rhythm, determined to hold out as long as he could. Each thrust brought him deeper inside Sam and closer to his own personal heaven that he’d waited such a long time for. He wanted to please his brother, to show him how much he loved him by taking it slow.
Sam had imagined this moment so many times in the past few months. He’d always though it would be fast and rough, as many things are with Dean. Not like this. This…was so much more. It was tender and intimate; two people expressing a love, not just trying to gain some physical pleasure.
As Dean got closer to the edge, he moved one of his hands still locked with Sam’s to Sam’s now weeping cock. He let go of Sam’s fingers to grab onto his dick, but Sam kept his hands over Dean’s as together they stroked Sam toward his own climax.
Dean began thrusting just a little bit faster, matching the rhythm he’d set for stroking Sam. Sam moaned softly beneath him and squeezed his hand, and that alone was enough to make Dean come deep inside him.
Feeling Dean’s heat explode in him and hearing the soft whisper of his name on Dean’s lips as he came sent Sam spiraling over the edge after him, shooting his come over their joined hands and onto his stomach.
Completely spent, Dean collapsed onto Sam and blacked out. When he came to, he turned to look at Sam, who had tears streaming down his cheeks. He went into full-on big brother mode as he became instantly worried. “Sammy, what is it? Did I hurt you?”
Sam just shook his head weakly. “No, it’s just…” He was too choked up to finish.
“What?” Dean’s mind was racing now, contemplating all the things that might be wrong with Sam.
Sam looked directly at Dean and smiled. “I’ve finally stopped feeling cold.” He pulled his brother back down onto his chest and lightly kissed the top of his head. And with that, he finally let sleep overtake him, covered in nothing but Dean.
